Monday, March 7, 2016

5 Reasons to Support Donald Trump

Part 3 of my why-to-vote-Republican series. (See part one: Reasons to Support Ted Cruz and part two: Reasons to Support Marco Rubio)

5 Reasons to Support Donald Trump


1. Everything about Trump is bombastic and gaudy. Yeah, policy is important, but rest assured he's a reliably horrible individual who wants to enact the typically terrible GOP agenda. So let's focus on the important stuff. Like his style, his overblown, reality TV type persona, that's just aching to confirm every miserable stereotype about America. Also, no one -- and I mean no one -- rocks orange like this man. Why just settle for the GOP's standard platform of policies to disenfranchise and degrade women, LGBT people, African Americans and immigrants...when you can degrade the entire political process at the same time? #Winning #TurnUpTheVolume #PassTheSprayTan #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

2. Trump knows how to get things done. A good businessman knows how to negotiate, and knows when to compromise. He's proven he can do this. Like that time when Trump compromised his humanity by openly pandering to racist voters (instead of quietly, subtly pandering to them, as per the GOP norm). #GoodBusinessSense #MaKKKeAmericaGreatAgain

3. Trump is not afraid to talk about the important stuff. Like his dick size. In fairness, the first to address the urgent issue of Donald Trump's penis was the intrepid (and, dare I say it, desperate?) third-place Marco Rubio, but Trump demonstrated that he had the (you know I'm going to say it...) balls to talk about his junk on national TV. #DicksDiscussingDicks #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

4. Trump followers. If I'm allowed some gross generalizations (with the disclaimer that I'm sure some of them are great people), they're like Bernie Bros, but more sexist, less rational, and totally racist. These guys and gals are angry, they're feeling disenfranchised, and they're willing to torch the entire country to address the (occasionally legitimate) gripes they have. Think of it like a #PityVote #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

5. Trump's policies, behaviors and popularity are the culmination of decades of Republican ideas and policy. It's the perfect storm of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, unrealistic exceptionalism and hardcore anti-intellectualism. You want a wall? Hell yeah we're going to build a wall. It's gonna be yyyyuge. It's going to be beautiful. And it's going to keep us safe. Forever.
Jobs? Hell yeah we're going to get our jobs back. How? We're going to. Because America. We'll kick out immigrants, we'll defund Planned Parenthood, we'll build the wall. We'll appoint people, smart people, to do things. Great things. It's going to be great. We're going to be great.
#ItsPossible #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

6. This is Trump we're talking about, so what the hell. Consider this one a bonus. Whatever else you can say about him, at least he's not Ted Cruz. #SilverLining #MakeAmericaGreatAgain


So if you hate everyone, you already know you're going to vote Republican. But if you want to do it with reality TV flair (or you just really, really love the color orange), Donald Trump is the man to #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

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